so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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