just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
