HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
