Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
