She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
