The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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