after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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