My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
