Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
