I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
