My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
