they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
