In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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