You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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