you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
