Just cropdusted the office
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
