Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
