i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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