I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
