Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
