It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
