i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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