I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
