New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
