Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
