You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
