What did we do last night that was yellow?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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