I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
