All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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