all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
