My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
