We're facebook friends in real life
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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