It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
