Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
