I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
