We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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