just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
