I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
