bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
