i just made my gag reflex go away.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
