He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
