Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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