no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
