I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize