Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He shit in the fireplace
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
