i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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