Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
