Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
