so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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