Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
