i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize