Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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