do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
