Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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