got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
