i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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