I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
