hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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