That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
