Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
