you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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