I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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