Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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