is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She announced her abortion via fbk
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
